It isn’t always easy to write when you want to. The desire takes hold of you, but the tendency to procrastinate often overwhelms the desire to write. There is also the issue of self-confidence. I want to write words of quality, and the desire for quality – not even of perfection, but of a basic, minimal standard – often hobbles me. This results in not only writer’s block, but writer’s stasis. That is to say, I don’t even get started.
It’s a theme that has been prevalent throughout my life, this lack of ability to get started. Or even worse, getting started, and then stalling mid-journey. The marathon is often too hard. The marathon is too grueling, full of pain. Full of boredom.
The river flows before me, as it does each morning. It is green and viscous, teeming with life. The fish leap from the water, mouth agape. If they are lucky, their lips find purchase with an insect, and they descend back into the depths, meal in mouth, partly sated.
A boat glides along the river, white froth in its wake. I wonder what the people in the boat are thinking. Where are they going? What do they want? Are they happy? Full of fear? Full of love? It is a white boat, with a bimini. It is a nice boat. Bland. Functional. A ticket to freedom.
I can see the buoys around the corner out of my window. There are three of them. One, the farthest, is yellow. The second, a red buoy, indicates port-side when entering port. The last, nearest to me, is green, indicating starboard side when entering port. It is their position which strikes me. They fall into the perfect golden ratio, expanding in distance on the vertical plane; on the horizontal plane, they also expand in distance, although at a lesser rate than on the vertical. Exquisite Fibonacci.
I long to see the eagles today. Yesterday Josie and I went kayaking and saw a sea eagle encircling its prey. It dove towards the river, dipped its massive beak into the water, and soared back into the sky with its catch – a fish. They are remarkable creatures. I wish to spend time on the river researching them, photographing them, getting to know more about them. I must do this during my short two years here.